The Pettiest of Petty Crimes

So I step out the door this morning and discover something surprising:

Someone had stolen my welcome mat!

Seriously! That fucker was gone. Not blown down the hall or anything, it had completely up and disappeared.

My question is: who steals a welcome mat? Is there someone out there who fences them to Target or something?

And then the plot thickened. I started walking down the hall, looking to see if it had gotten blown or kicked away. Several doors down, I spotted a mat in front of another apartment’s door that was exactly the same as my mat.

Except — my mat was old and dirty. This one looked new and clean. But it was exactly the same style of welcome mat.

Which led me to an awkward question:

Did the residents of this apartment steal my mat, wash it, and put it out in front of their apartment? Or are they just as supremely excellent in their command of taste and style as I am, and I had never noticed it until now?

(Which would be possible — I have enough things to keep track of in my head without memorizing my neighbors’ freaking welcome mats.)

I considered knocking on their door and angrily demanding that they give me back my welcome mat, assholes! But then I considered how that might go down if the mat really wasn’t mine. I mean, nobody would steal a welcome mat, wash it, and then put it out right in front of their door when the person they stole it from lives like three doors down and would be pretty much guaranteed to see it, right?


Agh, I don’t know. People can be weird. Should I go talk to them, or just buy a new mat? The comments area is open for your opinions…



October 3, 2005
1:29 pm

Actually, I have always been afraid someone was going to steal my mat, so I always just put it inside the door. Maybe you could get a new one and do that.
As much as I love confrontation, I don’t think I’d accuse them. Imagine if someone was knocking on your door. You’d be all delighted you were getting a visitor only to open it and have them accuse you of stealing from them. It would make you angry and embarrassed and ruin your happy feeling and you’d hate that neighbor forever. Besides, even if they did take it, they wouldn’t admit it and give it back, believe me.


October 3, 2005
3:25 pm

See, that’s what you get for welcoming people ;->
I also put my welcome mat right inside my door so it doesn’t blow away. It never occured to me that someone might steal it!
I’m with Ginger, it’s likely they would just lie if you confronted them.


October 4, 2005
5:31 pm

I say up the ante and steal it back. If you’re really that pressed about it, you could always steal their mat and put it inside your front door. Then, they won’t know who the culprit who stole their mat was.


May 21, 2014
4:45 am

Same thing happened to me except I had a different mat instead of my original. It really tripped me out for a few minutes. ‘Did I buy a new mat and place it in front of my door without remembering?’. I live in an apartment block and realised that my old mat was outside the unit directly opposite mine, so I switched them back (I like my mat way better). Some drunk idiot must have played a prank and switched them all around lol.