Things I Learned From Three Days in the UK

Posted on January 24, 2006

I’m working on a longer post now that will talk about my experiences on the trip in more detail, but it’s gonna take a while to get everything written up, so I thought I’d give you a quick one outlining some things I learned from my trip.

What to Call Your Host Country

In descending order of preference:

1. “The United Kingdom”
2. “Great Britain”
3. “England”
4. “Funky Town”
5. “Home of the Whopper”

The first of these is by far the most preferred. The English talk about being in “the U.K.” the way people from Orange County talk about being from “the O.C.”.

The difference, of course, is that the English do not have a pathological fear of black people.

An Abomination Against God and Man

Warm beer, OK. Warm Coca-Cola?

Not so much.

How To Get Funny Looks From the Locals

Go to Oxford and try to find something to eat after 11PM. I challenge you.

How To Get Funny Looks From the Locals, Part the Second

Just because they use money that is printed in all sorts of comical colors, it is not considered culturally appropriate when changing money to wave your new British pounds in the air and announce loudly “I’m buying Park Place! I’m buying Park Place!”

Consider yourself warned.