Jack Bauer Theatre
In which we bring you scenes from the finest works ever to grace the stage, all featuring performances by the incomparable dramatic actor Jack Bauer.
[We see HAMLET, PRINCE OF DENMARK, in a churchyard holding a skull.]
Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen? Now get you to my lady’s chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come; make her laugh at that. Prithee, Horatio, tell me one thing.
[JACK BAUER enters, brandishing a 9MM BERETTA SERVICE PISTOL.]
HORATIO IS DEAD! PUT THE SKULL DOWN!
Prithee, good sir, what’s thi —
[BAUER shoots HAMLET in the kneecap.]
TELL ME WHERE TO FIND THE NERVE GAS!