In Fond Remembrance of Baaaad TV

To celebrate it being Friday, I thought I’d share something funny with you: a complete list of every episode of the long-gone TV series The A-Team.

OK, that doesn’t sound funny, but wait till you read them. I remembered that show eventually descending into camp, but I had no idea just how high over the shark it had jumped…

Some of the gems:

10/15/85 – Blood, Sweat & Cheers
(wr. Tom Blomquist; dir. Sidney Harris)
The team races to the rescue when Hannibal’s nephew’s chances of winning the regional stock-car race are threatened.
Jack Harmon: Stuart Whitman. Kid Harmon: Ken Clandt. Kyle: Wings Hauser. Dana: Toni Hudson.

Oh noes! Certainly the only way to meet the threat of losing a regional stock-car race is with heavy firepower.

10/22/85 – Lease With An Option To Die

(wr. Bill Nuss; dir. David Hemmings)
Some goons are trying to force BA’s mother out of her Chicago apartment.
Mrs BA: Della Reese. Karen: Wendy Schaal. Phillip Carter: Ray Wise. Plout: Brian James.

I pity the fool who screws with Mr. T’s mother.

11/05/85 – The Heart Of Rock ‘N’ Roll
(wr. Frank Lupo; dir. Tony Mordente)
Singer Rick James asks the team to help an old rock-and-roll legend whose time in prison has made life very dangerous for him.
CJ Mack: Isaac Hayes. Devon: Eileen Barnett. Warden: Peter Haskell. Starger: Beau Starr.

If you are super freaky… and no one else can help… and if you can find them… maybe you can hire… THE A-TEAM.

11/12/85 – Body Slam
(wr. Bill Nuss; dir. Craig R. Baxley)
Hulk Hogan asks his old friend BA for the team’s help against a mobster who’s out to close down a youth club — for no apparent reason.
Dicki: Deborah Wakeham. Sonny: Michael Gregory. Papa Kotero: Titos Vandis.

Starring Hulk Hogan! How 80’s is that?

12/17/85 – Uncle Buckle-Up
(wr. Danny Lee Cole; dir. Michael O’Herily)
Hannibal auditions for a kid’s show and gets a bigger role than he expected when the team discovers the show’s fronting a heroin ring.
Sydney: Arte Johnson. Kelly: Susan Scannell. Gretsch: Art Metrano.

I know what you’re thinking: “a children’s show as a front for a heroin ring?” But the real question is this: how many children’s shows don’t front for a heroin ring? (sigh)

01/14/86 – Wheel of Fortune

(wr. Bill Nuss; dir. David Hemmings)
Murdock wins big on "Wheel Of Fortune", and may lose big when he’s kidnapped in a plot to steal a Soviet gunship.
Pat Sajak: Pat Sajak. Vanna White: Vanna White. Joshua: George McDaniel. Jody: Lydia Cornell. Woods: Bernie Bock. Stein: Richard Evens.

It’s a good thing he wasn’t on “Family Feud” or he’d have ended up in a prison in Kazakhstan…

And my personal favorite:

10/29/85 – The Road To Hope
(wr. Stephen J. Cannell; dir. David Hemmings)
Hannibal poses as a wino to avoid an Army trap, and stumbles onto a racket that involves knocking off winos.
Jim Beam: Elisha Cook. Scarett: Christopher Neame. Colton: Warren Berlinger. William: Bill Marcus.

“A racket that involves knocking off winos.” That sounds like one well-thought-out criminal conspiracy!

Step 1: Knock off winos
Step 2: ….. ?
Step 3: Profit!


Sandy Smith

April 30, 2006
4:26 pm

I saw a few on TVLand a while back, including the Hulk Hogan one. I loved the format: Somebody gets in trouble becasue Big Meanies are after them, they go in and have an initial confrontation with the baddies, who back off, and the military guy chasing them gets wind of them being in the area. The baddies come back and do something bad, then the A-Team builds something out of tools and supplies at hand, then has a big shootout with the baddies that results in nobody being shot, a random explosion, and a jeep turning over, and then eventually the bad guys just give up for no apparent reason, and maybe Hannibal knocks out the bad guy. Military guy hot on their tails, the guys split.