The only thing I have to say about the iPad 3 launch

Posted on March 16, 2012

Photo by Jun Seita.

If you must buy one immediately, just don’t let anyone take a picture of you acting like this (see photo). Because that would be embarrassing. Or should be, anyway.

It’s a commercial transaction. You gave the people who made it some money, and in exchange they gave it to you. You know, just like thousands of companies do with millions of people every single Goddamned day.

Nobody looks for applause when they fill their gas tank or buy toilet paper. If they came striding out of the grocery store like Caesar back from the wars, their cottony prize held above their head in triumph, they would not be greeted with camera flashes and a round of applause. Instead, everybody in the parking lot would start laughing at them, and never stop.

All you’ve done is purchase something. You haven’t won anything. You’re haven’t accomplished anything. The only thing this tells the world about you is that you have a functioning credit card.

If anyone tries to applaud you for buying one, you have my permission to punch that person in the face.