Your daily Zorroscope

Posted on August 10, 2015

ARIES (March 21-April 20): Only bold deeds will win the heart of the beautiful Señorita Lolita

TAURUS (April 21-May 21): Remind those who view your bold deeds that the phrase “who was that masked man?” is a legally registered trademark of the Lone Ranger

GEMINI (May 22-June 21): When meeting new people, remember that sticking a sword in the ceiling never fails to impress

CANCER (June 22-July 22): Pause today to appreciate the steadfast loyalty of your trusty steed, Tornado

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Pause today to appreciate the steadfast loyalty of your mute manservant, Bernardo

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sep. 23): Pause today to consider what it says about you that the same description can be applied to both your manservant and your horse

LIBRA (Sep. 24-Oct. 23): Use your rapier to slash the letter “Z” into something, because COME ON

SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 22): Do not give in to the temptation to name the group of noblemen who rally behind your rebellion “The Gay Caballeros”

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23-Dec. 21): Remind yourself that the base crimes of the treacherous Alcalde against your noble father cry out for vengeance

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 20): Your foppish affectations will continue to keep Sergeant Gonzales from suspecting that you, his good friend, are also the bandit he seeks

AQUARIUS (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): You feel vulnerable, but find consolation in the knowledge that no amount of terrible movies can ever truly kill a character who has fallen into the public domain

PISCES (Feb. 20-March 20): Learn to accept that your son will never be as good a Zorro as you were