Advance Transcript of the President’s State of the Union Address
Ah, the State of the Union! That glorious moment when the President stands before the peoples’ representatives, and mouths meaningless platitudes at them for hours while they bounce up and down from their seats applauding like Pop-O-Matic Congressmen.
Ain’t democracy great?
I know that you are all on tenterhooks as to what exactly the President will say in his address tonight. Thankfully, I can be of some assistance; Just Well Mixed has managed to obtain a special advance transcript of the President’s speech.
ADVANCE SOTU TRANSCRIPT!!! JUST WELL MIXED EXCLUSIVE!!! MUST CREDIT JUST WELL MIXED!!!
So, without further ado…
My fellow Americans,
The state of our union is... strong! (audible sighs of relief; wait for applause to end)
Freedom.
Freedom!
Liberty.
Freedom,
freedom freedom freedom.
Iraqi election.
Iraqi people.
Free Iraqi people.
Freely elected Iraqi people.
Freedom!
Saddam Hussein.
BOO!
Hehehe. Gotcha.
Freedom.
Liberty. Freedom.
Personal Social Security accounts.
Not private. "Personal". Got it?
Freedom.
Freedom, freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom.
Beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice.
Thank you, and God bless the United States of America.
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